The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i out mim tonsoeep
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
