She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
