Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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