party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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