He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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