You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I want to have your abortion
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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