Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize