i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
