Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
