He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
