i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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