Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
