the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
