im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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