The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize