I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
