so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Welp...herpes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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