Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
