My hand turned me down
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
