Where did you get a picture of my penis
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
