no. you can't hotbox the world.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
