I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
