you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm at about main and main street
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
