we have pet lesbian snakes
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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