You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
