Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
