She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
you never un-have a 4some
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
