Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
