My room smells like vodka and shame
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
