May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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