I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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