Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
