Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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