Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize