I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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