Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
