you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
