what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
