I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize