porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
