he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
