Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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