Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
