sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
