GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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