I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
