Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
