Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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