I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
