Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
