There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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