my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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