i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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