so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
