3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
