stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
