I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
