my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
