I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
