his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
