smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
and you fell through a lawn chair
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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