So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
