Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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