you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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