I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
