My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
