saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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