please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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