People in love make me want to vomit
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
