i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize