He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
