bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
