But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
