I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
