Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize