Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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