i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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