First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My pussy is not your playground.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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